A 5 minute read.
To be completely honest, for the longest time I resisted using mantras or “the power of positive thinking” in my practice.
If I went to a yoga class and heard the phrase “the attitude of gratitude” on a bad day where everything was going wrong, I’d mentally vomit and respond:
“Fuck off, you don’t know my life & can’t tell me what to do.”
It’s always made logical sense to practice gratitude and mantras to trick my brain into being happy, but it always came across as spiritually bypassing (ignoring negative experiences to avoid pain or doing the emotional heavy lifting required to heal") or worse, too self help-y.
You feel me?
Of course I have a lot of gratitude in and for my life. I’m sure you do too! And I will not advocate for you to only feel gratitude, or only recite mantras instead of doing the work to get you where you want to go.
But, here’s a different way of looking at why using a mantra or cultivating gratitude can change your attitude and circumstances if you’re still on the fence about the practice.
And if you’re already bought in, here’s a sweet little reminder why you’re doing what you’re doing.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I love my corgi puppy Mosby like I would love my own child. And while I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent to a human child, I’ve witnessed enough mother’s love and challenges to draw a few parallels to the experience.
One of those parallels is how we learn from the children, pets or plants we take care of. We are the “adults”, the ones that carry the responsibility and supposedly have gained more wisdom through experience. However, we are still taught and humbled by the experience of caring for another living being.
One of the many lessons I have learned while raising this loving puppy son of mine, is how important communication is and boundaries are, both verbal and nonverbal.
Even if you don’t have a dog, you have an idea about this. You’ve watched pet parents command their dog to “sit”, “stay”, “roll over'“, “fetch” and “get off” (maybe you cat parents have even said this agitated at a dog jumping on you). You’ve also watched pet parents praise their dogs, where they talk in full and complete sentences but the pitch of their voice changes and the cadence becomes a bit more melodic and upbeat.
At the same time, you’ve watched the pet respond. They have learned their tricks and know when their human is both pleased with, as well as upset at, them. They’ve learned through experience that a certain word is attached with a certain action. They’ve learned to pick up on the nonverbal cues and tonality in our voices to respond with eagerness or repentance.
This reminds me of mantra. This reminds me of how I can go from being in a great mood full of love and excitement, to one of fear and regret.
Mosby doesn’t learn a new trick unless I repeat it, over and over and over in the same way. It takes time to teach him. He often gets distracted. And it requires me to be fully present with him while I’m teaching him. Most importantly, I use positive reinforcement when he gets the trick right. He is just as motivated by snacks as I am! And if he doesn’t do it correctly? I don’t punish him. I am patient and we try again together.
It’s the same when you sit down to meditate on changing a behavior. To make this more obvious, let’s use “I believe in myself” as an example.
You cozy up on your meditation cushion, start your Insight Timer, and begin to mentally say “I believe in myself”. Maybe you have a gorgeous mala necklace and rub a bead each time you repeat your mantra. Time passes, and all of a sudden you realize you’ve been mentally making a to do list of things you need to do once you’re done meditating. Once you realize you’ve drifted away, how do you mentally respond?
Do you respond with frustration and impatience with yourself? Does your self talk sound like you’re scolding a misbehaving puppy?
I know mine often does. And that triggers feelings of fear and exasperation, or any number of other emotions that simply aren’t productive toward what you’re working toward. Believing in yourself does not mean you have to be perfect. Believing in yourself is to inspire yourself to keep going when the going gets tough.
And that’s the same for any mantra. Your mantra isn’t supposed to be done perfectly, 100% of the time. Life is messy and hard and shit happens. But your mantra is there to remind you that you do believe in yourself, especially in the moments of chaos.
Meditation is a practice of being mindful. Mantra is a practice to support your meditation mindfulness and also can be used to rewire deeply held beliefs. Think of it like teaching an old dog a new trick.
Yes, old dogs can learn new tricks. But it takes them a while longer, requiring more patience, because they’re unlearning other tricks that may or may not be relevant any longer.
The mantra you’re teaching to yourself is like a new trick. And it requires that you give yourself the love, patience and understanding that you would your own pet or child.
And as for the attitude of gratitude? It’s similar. You mindfully appreciate the moments that you feel gratitude about. And you remember that even if you may not feel grateful in the moment or have a hard time remembering why you should be grateful when everything is falling apart (or your child is crying louder than a Karen at Target), there is still something to be grateful for.
This is important. This is what keeps you from giving your kid up for adoption, or sending your puppy to the shelter.
I know. The thought of that is appalling. Of course you wouldn’t do that. But I know, at 2 AM when Mosby wakes me up because he needs to go outside, I have thought about how much easier it would be without him sometimes. It’s normal to feel those things.
If you wouldn’t give your dog up for adoption, why would you do that to yourself?
Because every time you give up on yourself, that’s what you’re doing. You’re leaving yourself in a shelter.
The practice of gratitude allows you to revel in the good times, as well as push through the challenging times. Your mantra is the command to remind yourself to keep going, to stay focused.
So what do you think now about the attitude of gratitude? Has how you experience gratitude or cultivate it in your life changed? Will you add a mantra to your meditation practice?
With gratitude ;)
Alex Ann